Church Success

Yesterday was one of the new found success stories for our family. Taking our two daughters to church service in the past was an effort in learning, teaching and patience. Just another opportunity as a parent to teach our children our values and beliefs. Mostly the values part. You know ... sit still, be quiet, don't yell, get up, don't throw, don't run away from me, why can't you sit here for a few minutes, do you want a spanking, whats the matter with you, I am taking you back to the store for a better behaved child and what have I done to deserve this! (I hope you get the humor in the last few). It really did not have much to do about God and the bible at their early years as it did about behavior and preparing them for later years, when they could be open to being fulfilled spirtually in church.

Well, then along comes child number three. Flynn, autism and sitting still in church were a daunting combination. Therefore we had not tried yet. We just had not given it a whirl. Well Saturday we decided we would give it a try. It is the summer and typically a little more laid back. As parents of an autistic child we have learned to be prepared, well thought out, contingency plans set, nimble with whatever situation was to unfold and most of all we are trying to add extra doses of patience and understanding. We felt as though we were ready. We hoped he would be ready.

We trotted off to church. I dropped off the family at the front door to make sure we got the prime seats in the back of the church by the exit doors. I got inside as quickly as I could to find them sitting in, although not ideal exit seats, serviceable seats in case of a needed quick and loud exit. After a few adjustments to the sitting order ... I wanted it to be daughter-parent-flynn-parent-daughter. That way we had him sandwiched, the girls seperated from each other to reduce the additional amount of parenting that typically comes from them sitting next to one another and the bonus of having the girls on the outside in case they needed to be dispatched for some chore or requirement (i.e. going and getting the collection basket from the elderly lady who is the next person sitting from us a mere 20 seats away).

Deep breath, take in the families in front of and behind us ... This was the really funny part. You know everyone typically sits in just about the same seats every Sunday at church and are used to who sits around them. All of a sudden here is this random family of 5 with 3 young kids plopping right down in the middle of their Sunday morning familiarity. Oh well, they better get used to it. I am good about being early to church ... My wife said she got some looks. We apparantly took "their seats".

We go to a pretty traditional and fairly wealthy Methodist Church that started a contemporary worship service a handful of years ago. We recently finished a multi-year building campaign that included a very nice multipurpose contemporary worship building. It is used for speakers, concerts and the like. It has multi media screens, stage lighting and a rocking sound system. The rocking sound system was our area of concern. Autism and loud music of any kind do not always play nice together. Not to mention the hundreds of strangers that Flynn was surrounded by. Anywho, the service starts...

The first two songs crank up and are loud like normal. Flynn seems a little uneasy at first. Trying to figure it all out and take it in. I decide I am going to hold him so he can see the contemporary worship band and singers (probably total of 16-18 on stage). Of course I am sitting under one of the "can" spot lights and took the opportunity to wear a sports coat to church on a July Sunday whilst holding my 45 pound 3.5 year old. I was drenched within 2 minutes. I started to bounce him a little with the music and sing, but realize this may be just a little to much sensory input and decide I will just hold him still and kiss him on the cheek every so often. This seems to have the desired effect and he seems to settle in a little by the end of the second song. (I on the other hand am about to pass out from dehydration). Songs over and announcements begin.

He sits fairly still through the announcements and we get to some prayer time. Then begins the seat kicking. We pull his shoes off so the kicking is not quite as loud and intense. I also am able to put my leg where it covers one of his feet, so the kicking is reduced to one bare foot. This also seems to take the fun out of it and so he soons stops. Prayer time ... somewhere along the line the folks in sunday school and the church mothers day out taught him to pray with his hands clasped. When he does this, he is remarkably still. So he sits quietly, flanked by his parents and we all five sit still through an eternity of praying with our hands clasped, heads "mostly" bowed and quiet. Actually still and quiet. It was very cool to watch our son sit like that, no matter how short a period of time it was. Then greeting time ...

We eased into greeting the neighbors around us (no scowls from the elderly church goers we displaced) and then offertory, where another couple of songs were sung while we are all seated. This was when another very cool moment happened. Flynn loves the song "Grace flows down". Being speech impaired, the words don't roll off his tongue very easily, but this is one of his top five favorite songs. To my ears, he sang this song just as wonderfully as any person has ever sung this song. It took everything I could do to keep from crying. That was one of the sweetest moments I have had in a while. That cute child, intensely watching the band and singing a song about God's grace ... makes me well up remembering it.

The preacher then read scripture and started his sermon. Now it has been about 45 minutes since church started and here we sit. Still a family of 5 enjoying church together. No major incidents and zero corrective parenting required thus far. I never in my life would have "thunk" it possible. He started to get a little squirmy and for the sake of preserving what had been a superb family memory up to that moment, it was time to take him out of church while it was still a precious time. He waved to his momma and said bye-bye loud enough for the few rows around us to hear, which I thought was perfect and also precious. I lead my little barefoot mini-me out the back of the church receiving smiles from everyone who looked at him (I wouldn't lie to you, but my son is one seriously cute kid. You will have to give all credit to his beautiful momma).

That was just the start to what turned out to be a wonderful day in the T Earl family memory banks. I wrote elsewhere that our reference points to joyful moments has changed in the last few months. I assure you, Flynn's first day at church was one of the highlights of this year. It goes to show that when you look for the good things in life and roll with the punches, you will find them. My son made yesterday a good day!!!