Church Success

Yesterday was one of the new found success stories for our family. Taking our two daughters to church service in the past was an effort in learning, teaching and patience. Just another opportunity as a parent to teach our children our values and beliefs. Mostly the values part. You know ... sit still, be quiet, don't yell, get up, don't throw, don't run away from me, why can't you sit here for a few minutes, do you want a spanking, whats the matter with you, I am taking you back to the store for a better behaved child and what have I done to deserve this! (I hope you get the humor in the last few). It really did not have much to do about God and the bible at their early years as it did about behavior and preparing them for later years, when they could be open to being fulfilled spirtually in church.

Well, then along comes child number three. Flynn, autism and sitting still in church were a daunting combination. Therefore we had not tried yet. We just had not given it a whirl. Well Saturday we decided we would give it a try. It is the summer and typically a little more laid back. As parents of an autistic child we have learned to be prepared, well thought out, contingency plans set, nimble with whatever situation was to unfold and most of all we are trying to add extra doses of patience and understanding. We felt as though we were ready. We hoped he would be ready.

We trotted off to church. I dropped off the family at the front door to make sure we got the prime seats in the back of the church by the exit doors. I got inside as quickly as I could to find them sitting in, although not ideal exit seats, serviceable seats in case of a needed quick and loud exit. After a few adjustments to the sitting order ... I wanted it to be daughter-parent-flynn-parent-daughter. That way we had him sandwiched, the girls seperated from each other to reduce the additional amount of parenting that typically comes from them sitting next to one another and the bonus of having the girls on the outside in case they needed to be dispatched for some chore or requirement (i.e. going and getting the collection basket from the elderly lady who is the next person sitting from us a mere 20 seats away).

Deep breath, take in the families in front of and behind us ... This was the really funny part. You know everyone typically sits in just about the same seats every Sunday at church and are used to who sits around them. All of a sudden here is this random family of 5 with 3 young kids plopping right down in the middle of their Sunday morning familiarity. Oh well, they better get used to it. I am good about being early to church ... My wife said she got some looks. We apparantly took "their seats".

We go to a pretty traditional and fairly wealthy Methodist Church that started a contemporary worship service a handful of years ago. We recently finished a multi-year building campaign that included a very nice multipurpose contemporary worship building. It is used for speakers, concerts and the like. It has multi media screens, stage lighting and a rocking sound system. The rocking sound system was our area of concern. Autism and loud music of any kind do not always play nice together. Not to mention the hundreds of strangers that Flynn was surrounded by. Anywho, the service starts...

The first two songs crank up and are loud like normal. Flynn seems a little uneasy at first. Trying to figure it all out and take it in. I decide I am going to hold him so he can see the contemporary worship band and singers (probably total of 16-18 on stage). Of course I am sitting under one of the "can" spot lights and took the opportunity to wear a sports coat to church on a July Sunday whilst holding my 45 pound 3.5 year old. I was drenched within 2 minutes. I started to bounce him a little with the music and sing, but realize this may be just a little to much sensory input and decide I will just hold him still and kiss him on the cheek every so often. This seems to have the desired effect and he seems to settle in a little by the end of the second song. (I on the other hand am about to pass out from dehydration). Songs over and announcements begin.

He sits fairly still through the announcements and we get to some prayer time. Then begins the seat kicking. We pull his shoes off so the kicking is not quite as loud and intense. I also am able to put my leg where it covers one of his feet, so the kicking is reduced to one bare foot. This also seems to take the fun out of it and so he soons stops. Prayer time ... somewhere along the line the folks in sunday school and the church mothers day out taught him to pray with his hands clasped. When he does this, he is remarkably still. So he sits quietly, flanked by his parents and we all five sit still through an eternity of praying with our hands clasped, heads "mostly" bowed and quiet. Actually still and quiet. It was very cool to watch our son sit like that, no matter how short a period of time it was. Then greeting time ...

We eased into greeting the neighbors around us (no scowls from the elderly church goers we displaced) and then offertory, where another couple of songs were sung while we are all seated. This was when another very cool moment happened. Flynn loves the song "Grace flows down". Being speech impaired, the words don't roll off his tongue very easily, but this is one of his top five favorite songs. To my ears, he sang this song just as wonderfully as any person has ever sung this song. It took everything I could do to keep from crying. That was one of the sweetest moments I have had in a while. That cute child, intensely watching the band and singing a song about God's grace ... makes me well up remembering it.

The preacher then read scripture and started his sermon. Now it has been about 45 minutes since church started and here we sit. Still a family of 5 enjoying church together. No major incidents and zero corrective parenting required thus far. I never in my life would have "thunk" it possible. He started to get a little squirmy and for the sake of preserving what had been a superb family memory up to that moment, it was time to take him out of church while it was still a precious time. He waved to his momma and said bye-bye loud enough for the few rows around us to hear, which I thought was perfect and also precious. I lead my little barefoot mini-me out the back of the church receiving smiles from everyone who looked at him (I wouldn't lie to you, but my son is one seriously cute kid. You will have to give all credit to his beautiful momma).

That was just the start to what turned out to be a wonderful day in the T Earl family memory banks. I wrote elsewhere that our reference points to joyful moments has changed in the last few months. I assure you, Flynn's first day at church was one of the highlights of this year. It goes to show that when you look for the good things in life and roll with the punches, you will find them. My son made yesterday a good day!!!

Attitudes and Latitudes

Did not want to smudge the previous lovey dovey post with this drivel...

Who knows what life will hold. I am generally an optimistic person. That is a trait that I did not have until I met my wife in college. I have maintained that through today. But dang, I am ready for some good things to happen. Even the little things seem to suck right now, particularly work related.

I have historically been a very laid back person. I grew up at the beach in northwest Florida. Most beach folk will look upon that with scorn, but every other person/place east of the Mississippi River love the beaches of northwest Florida. The beach was my babysitter...

My mom would pile us up and take us out to the beach for many, many, many hours. I am the youngest of three very outgoing boys. She would take her foldout lounge chair, a readers digest book (for those of you old enough to remember what that even is) and her beach umbrella; she would lather us down in No. 15 No-Ad sunscreen (again for those of you who remember what that is) plop down our cardboard box of GI Joes (for those of you who ....) and let us go to town for those many hours. We never stopped until it was time for lunch. Who remembers when a good lunch consisted of an RC Cola, bologna sandwich/vienna sausage, individual bag of chips and the coup de grace ... Moon Pies!!!! Raise your hand if you want to be in that scene, on that sugar white sand beach with the surf roaring, under that umbrella eating that meal...I thought so...

Man, I love the beach! I love the beach lifestyle. One day when the time is right, I will be there again.

Shark fishing from the shore at night, redfishing from shore at Pensacola Pass, Blue Angels twice a year, scalloping, riding my bike to the grass flats at shoreline and fishing for specs with my favorite jig, fishing with a gill net with the family, fishing from the bridges for white trout and croaker (that was never about the food, it was always about spending time with Dad), throwing the cast net for mullet, skiing behind the behemoth of a boat we had, backyard fish frys and hush puppies with family friends after fishing all day, walks on the beach at sunset, 25 mile bike rides on the beach as the sun rises, sleeping in at the beach condo after a night out with buddies and listening to the roar of the surf, oysters on the half shell, beach bonfires (when you could still do that), simple nights out with friends talking about life and laying there looking up at the stars, reggae and acoustic sets at the outdoor local bars, draft beer and bushwackers and long island ice teas, jumping off "the levels" under the bridge, nothing like the 4th of July fireworks in a beach military town, the electicity in the air on a beach saturday night, Mayokis, Fiesta of Five Flags, Mardi Gras, backyard pool nights laying still in the water and watching the bats dive down for a skim across the top of the water, and my favorite two memories ... laying on the pier at shoreline with Joe watching shooting stars at 3 a.m. because we were the only ones without curfew and proposing to my wife on a cold March day with the roar of the surf outside the open 5th floor condo windows ...

Man that is a life well lived. I am not well traveled. I have been a few places. But I try to saturate myself in the qualities of life whereever I happen to be. Shooting stars, rainbows, sunrises and sunsets...beauty and the joy of the world are around you all the time, you just have to look, feel, smell and sense it ... soak it in ...

Took a facebook quiz that said if I was a Jimmy Buffett song I would be Tin Cup Chalice...

"I wanna go back to the island

Where the shrimp boats tie up to the pilin'

Gimme oysters and beer

For dinner every day of the year

And I'll feel fine, I'll feel fine

I wanna be there

Wanna go back down and lie beside the sea there

With a tin cup for a chalice, fill it up with good red wine

And I'm chewin' on a honeysuckle vine"

Exerpt of a letter to my wonderful wife

I probably won't share too much like this, but I happened across a letter I wrote to my wife a couple of years ago and it still means as much to me today as it did then, maybe moreso. Obviously I could not share most of the letter (actually proud of myself for its contents, they were heart felt) ... lots of personal stuff just for us. I love my wife. we have known each other over 19 years. We have our difficulties just like anyone, but nights like tonight with her and our three kids just reaffirm how special our relationship is. Like I mentioned before, we are having external difficulties, but we as a pair seem to be riding the wave O.K. I wish our family did not have to face the challenges, but we are and we will succeed. When you love your wife and children, then success is the only option. I have always succeeded when the important things were on the line and nothing is more important than my family. No time period in my life is as impactful as what we face now. I have had some "wing-dingers" in the past that I will eventually get around to, but right now seems to be right up there in the challenge department.

Anywho...here is the snippet from my letter to my wife...

"...we can do anything the world has in front of us when we do it together. You are my rock and my heart. You have given me my children who are my soul and our future. You hear people jokingly talk about the meaning of life. I believe everyone has a meaning that is unique to them. I think I know what mine is. It is to raise our children with you and for them to have a long, joyful life and for them to have a happy and interactive relationship with their grandchildren. That may seem silly on the surface, however, to me the underlying story that goes with this is powerful. If our children have a long, joyful life then we will have had a long and joyful life together. If they have a happy relationship with their grandchildren, then it will mean we did also, because they will have learned that from us. It will mean our relationship together was joyful and fulfilled. Joyful and fulfilled, I believe are two powerful words. I want that with you and I know we will have that together, as will our children and grandchildren. It is a life that makes me well up inside to think I am going to have it with you. Our lives together really have just begun and our future is amazing."

Shall I pat myself on the back again. Just kidding. There is that word "joy" again. I wrote this in 2005 after a four week span when my father-in-law had died from cancer, my wifes grandmother died in her 90's, my wife just found out she was pregnant with our third child and we had just culminated a difficult previous 12 months by placing my mom in an assisted living facility with early-onset dementia (She was 62 at the time with symptoms starting at 60). I really was in a crazy place then. Seemed to calm down a little after that until the last 6-9 months or so and has gotten nutty again.

I thought I would share.

Blog symbolism

Yes, Yes, Yes...I really like symbolism. Yes there are tie-ins between the picture of the eagle, the unusual name of the blog, the scripture at the bottom ... the love for my son, my family, my daughters, my wife, The United States, Auburn University, the use of the word joy, etc...

I will delve into all of those things as time goes by...

Firstly, I believe we as parents are solely responsible for the starting direction of our children. Notice, I used the word direction. Our kids have to actually walk their path. We can create boundaries as best we can and hope they will bounce between those boundries in the direction we point them, but make no mistake, they are making the walk. I like to visualize it as the parents prepare the road and paint the centerline stripes and the edge of pavement stripes. You hope your children will stay in the center, but they will bump against the edge striping from time to time. They may even cross the stripe and have a little bit of a bumpy ride on the rumble strips or gravel shoulder, but hopefully they will correct their direction back to the road you have set for them. No, there is nothing that keeps them from driving into the ditch, creek or off the cliff. But, I also recognize that they may drive off into a lush meadow, a side road or take an ocean drive at the edge of the sea. Those are beautiful options and may create a wonderful life for them, just not the ones we as parents envisioned at the beginning.

However, it is still our responsibility to start our kids off the best we can with all of the opportunities for a joyful quality of life (see there is that word joy). I believe raising our children is the most rewarding responsibility I will ever have.

Our daughters have been very easy to raise. I am almost embarrassed at what good people and good souls they are. My son is also a beautiful soul. He, however, is going to require alot more from my wife and me. He was diagnosed with autism in April. We knew the diagnoses was probably coming for many months, but to actually hear the words was difficult, particularly for me. Anyone who has dealt with this directly has been there or at least heard it from others. Anyone who has not dealt with it, trust me, it was hard to hear. Being objective, I realize that I am the one who will need to adapt, steel my mind and have an attitude adjustment. I am the one who has to change the view of where his life might lead, I am the one who has the problem, not Flynn.

Our Methodist church has a human sexuality seminar for 5th and 6th graders. It is a fabulous program that I have been involved with as a table leader for 6 or so years. I believe it is appropriate for children of that age, if done with a Christian basis. At the end of the three day seminar, a story is told of a mother eagle teaching her hatchingly how to fly on his own. At the end of that story Isaiah 40:31 is read...

"Yet those who hope in the Lord will gain new strength; They will soar on wings like eagles, They will run and not grow tired. They will walk and not get weary."

That is my mission for my son Flynn. Autism is not who he is ... it is just one aspect of his personality. It is my responsibility as his father to put him in a position where he can accept the grace of God and go on to Soar on Wings Like Eagles ... Fly'nn like Eagles ...

Facebook Note from Dec. 2008 (the post that originated the thought of doing a blog)

Did not want to add this to my status bar, but I wanted to share a thought for anyone who may be interested...

At church yesterday, we had a moment of remembrance for a 9 year old only child who passed away from cancer at the end of the summer. He was perfectly healthy until diagnosed at the beginning of the summer. A life not fully lived was "inexplicitly" over, before what we would have termed his "time". Obviously, God does not function in our understanding of time. He is timeless.

Kathleen and I showed up at church Sunday morning not remembering what was happening during the service, other than our 8 & 6 year old girls would be singing. The children of the church, including our two, were singing "O Holy Night" (which happens to be one of my favorite Christmas tunes).

The boy's (Jeffrey) family had gathered in the 5 reserved rows in the front and center of the church. We then were told by the pastor, before the singing was to begin, the song was Jeffrey's favorite song and to which he had done a piano recital. With pictures of his youth flashing on two big screens behind the children, they sang...

Without question it was emotional. It also was yet another opportunity to remind us that Christmas provides us hope for eternal life through the birth of Jesus. Don't forget the purpose for which Jesus was placed on Earth and what he did for us through his life and death. Does it take the remembrance of a 9 year old Christian to remind us of Christ? Does it take an Emmaus Walk? Being shot? Car wreck? Cancer? Death of a loved one? Everyone has God's reminders all around us. We just need to look, remember, glorify and live. What is it for you?